laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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