i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
her facebook's as public as her vagina
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
