Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
