I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
