Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
