I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wear drunk well.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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