The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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