Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You pole danced in your parka.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
