brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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