My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
