I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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