He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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