omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
honey bunches of taint.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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