Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
