that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
