I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
