Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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