id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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