Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
