Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
