After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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