The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize