So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
