I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
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He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
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I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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