Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
