so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
