After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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