never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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