Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
