my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
