All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
