Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
