There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
