That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I need to align my fucking chakras
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
