I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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