My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
