well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
