Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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