Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
