Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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