I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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