he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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