Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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