yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
