Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
