Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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