I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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