She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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