I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
