I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize