Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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