I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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