there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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