I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
