Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
