We named our party play list daddy issues
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
