There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
