you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
