I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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