I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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