So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
