What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
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There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
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I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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