She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
