Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
