Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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