Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
