He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
