She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
