they need to just BURY HIM!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize