kristin has been a bad kristin
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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