Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
