good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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