Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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