I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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