She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
