I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
