people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
