I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
