Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
