Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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